despidiendo

Well, my goodbyes have been said, my bags are packed, and by this time tomorrow, I will be almost Stateside. I think my emotions are a bit too mixed up right now to say anything intelligibly conclusive about my time here, so I'll just leave you all with some of my favorite pictures from this last week. Thankfully, that package of cameras did finally arrive and after five trips to customs and a lot of paperwork, they were finally given to me. This meant that over the last couple weeks the girls and I got to go on just a few more photo walks before I said my goodbyes.

To see a selection of the girls' photos from the exhibition, click here.

Thanks for following along, praying, and dreaming with me these past six months.

Bendiciones.

¡la exposición!

This past Saturday was the grand finale of my photography project here in Bolivia - an exhibition of the girls' best photos, all relating to the theme of nature in the city. I'm happy to report that it was a big success and that, most importantly, it was a time for the girls to really show off their work and take pride in their own creativity. Oh, and the event got covered in the national newspaper! It's only in Spanish, but google translator does an okay job if you're interested in reading it. My heart was so full from the day, and my only big regret is that I myself did not get a chance to pause and look at the photos (though other things like the fact that the photos didn't hang straight still nag me as well). Thanks everyone for your prayers and support along the way.
 

With only 9 days left in Bolivia, I'd appreciate your prayers that I'd love, invest, and finish well. See you all so soon!

Psalm 34

6 days till the exhibition and I am needing these words. Prayers appreciated for the crazy amount of preparation that needs doing between now and Saturday!

34 I will bless the Lord at all times;
    his praise shall continually be in my mouth.
 ² My soul makes its boast in the Lord;
    let the humble hear and be glad.
³ Oh, magnify the Lord with me,
    and let us exalt his name together!

⁴ I sought the Lord, and he answered me
    and delivered me from all my fears.
⁵ Those who look to him are radiant,
    and their faces shall never be ashamed.
⁶ This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him
    and saved him out of all his troubles.
⁷ The angel of the Lord encamps
    around those who fear him, and delivers them.

⁸ Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!
    Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!
⁹ Oh, fear the Lord, you his saints,
    for those who fear him have no lack!
¹⁰ The young lions suffer want and hunger;
    but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.

¹¹ Come, O children, listen to me;
    I will teach you the fear of the Lord.
¹² What man is there who desires life
    and loves many days, that he may see good?
¹³ Keep your tongue from evil
    and your lips from speaking deceit.
¹⁴ Turn away from evil and do good;
    seek peace and pursue it.

¹⁵ The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous
    and his ears toward their cry.
¹⁶ The face of the Lord is against those who do evil,
    to cut off the memory of them from the earth.
¹⁷ When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears
    and delivers them out of all their troubles.
¹⁸ The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
    and saves the crushed in spirit.

¹⁹ Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
    but the Lord delivers him out of them all.
²⁰ He keeps all his bones;
    not one of them is broken.
²¹ Affliction will slay the wicked,
    and those who hate the righteous will be condemned.
²² The Lord redeems the life of his servants;
    none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned.

jugando con harina

Several months ago, I showed the girls a photo I took as a part of an art project with some friends at Wheaton, in which we used nothing but our imaginations, cameras, and a 50 pound bag of flour. I showed it to them so as to help them to think a little more outside the box about photography, but then without my even suggesting it, they all made me promise that they would get to do their own photo shoot with flour. A week or so ago the day finally came and they had an absolute blast, covering one another in flour and coming up with all sorts of crazy things they could do with it.

With just a month left in Coch, things are ramping up quite a bit. I'm finishing up my research on the seguimiento program (i.e. the "follow-up" that they do with the girls who leave Albergue)--analyzing data and coming up with some proposals for the changes that could be made. And with the photography exhibition just two weeks away, the planning it can feel a little overwhelming at points, though I am hopeful that everything will come together. It is difficult to imagine saying goodbyes so soon, but the reality is that the time is coming and there's nothing I can do about it. I am now split between two places: I may be really excited to go home and be present with everyone I love there, but that does not change the fact that I have become woven into the fabric of life in Bolivia, and it is sure to be a painful experience to take myself out of it.

Some things I've been ruminating about lately: 

“If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. If an elephant has its foot on the tail of a mouse and you say that you are neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality.” 
-Desmond Tutu 

“The individual is... held accountable for complicity with the present-day social structures that continue to deprive racial or ethnic group[s] of privileges and benefits.” 
-Miguel de la Torre 

“The problem with stereotypes is not that they are untrue, but that they are incomplete. They make one story become the only story.” 
-Chimamanda Adichie

cameras, mosaics, agency

cameras
Most of you already know that, as of two weeks ago, there are no longer any cameras. However, thanks to the generosity of a good friend in the States, more cameras are on their way, and we can only pray that they get here quickly. With two months left to my internship, and an exhibition planned for mid-November, there is not really much time left but certainly a lot more to be done. In the mean time, I am finding other ways for us to move forward. We just picked out the theme of our exhibition - "nature, art, & the city" - which one of the girls captured pretty brilliantly I think in the photo below (a personal favorite).

el árbol encarcelado - the imprisoned tree

mosaics [i.e. what-has-been-happening-lately]
I won't lie and say that this hasn't been a challenging time since the disappearance of the cameras. But in the midst of it, I am grateful that there have been plenty of other things going on. Just this week, the girls and I finished our mosaic project [pictured below], after almost a month of collecting, breaking, and gluing glass shards to a piece of wood. This was quite a lesson for me in the challenges of community art, when all I wanted to do as the teacher was control the process, which is the exact opposite of what I should have been doing. Meanwhile in the office, I have been renovating Mosoj Yan's social media, working on the Albergue jewelry-selling business, and gathering data on how the girls fare after they leave Albergue - with the hopes of putting together a proposal for improving the seguimiento (follow-up) program. For my independent study, about once a week I get to sit in on the girls' art class at school, and very sporadically I get to meet up and interview artistas cochabambinos.  Both of these things have given me some great insight into the relationship between creativity, education, class, and culture and I can certainly say I've been enjoying the learning process.

agency

I also recently got to write an article for Wheaton's newspaper, the Record, which was a good opportunity for me to think through on a personal level why art matters in development, and in particular why art matters in the context of Albergue. Here's a little excerpt from it:

Similar to other forms of injustice and oppression, abuse has the power to affect a person’s agency—on one level by taking away a person’s ability to act, but on another by causing the mind to believe that it does not have agency. The young women I work with have experienced both of these. To one degree their experiences have indeed limited their agency, but to another—perhaps because they have internalized the expectation that they are limited—their experiences have made them believe they are powerless. And this is where art comes in. Art can act as an agent of self-expression, healing, and empowerment, because giving someone the opportunity to create tells them they are worthy of creating. And more specifically, giving someone a camera tells her, “You have the ability to capture and create something beautiful."

prayer
-For the cameras to get here quickly
-For all the details for the exhibition to come together over the next month (also, praise that I have already found a space to do it in!)
-For God to give me the strength & grace to invest, love, and finish well

links & likes

If you're interested in staying up-to-date with the latest happenings at Mosoj Yan, you should check out the newly updated facebook page and blog [links below]! Also, the most recent posts are blurbs about the mosaic project I'm doing with the girls right now, so they're worth a look.

The Mosoj Yan Facebook Page

The Mosoj Yan Blog

You know you're on month four of HNGR when...

To give you a summary of how things have been lately (and in lieu of a recent email thread that was going between the HNGR women):

You know you're on month four of HNGR when... 

Your host tías (aunts) introduce you to someone as their niece and the person actually believes you're related, despite the blue eyes, pale skin, and freckles.

You start losing patience dealing with all the conflict between the girls at Albergue.

You get frustrated with  English more than with Spanish, for the way it limits your ability to express yourself.

You know it's going to be really hard to leave in just 2.5 months.

Someone tells you they love you.

One of the girls decides you are the culprit for all her problems, and gives you the silent treatment for two days.

You finally give up and agree with your tías that, yes, the reason that you don't want to eat 3,000 calories a day is because you do not want to get fat, and not just because your body does not have the capacity to eat so much.

When you're the only staff member on duty on a Saturday, you lose your temper at the girls, because they lie and don't take your authority seriously.

You're so busy doing things like interviews, teaching, HNGR homework, research, and peeling carrots that there's hardly any time to breathe.

Your to-do list is so long that you almost feel like you're back at Wheaton (though my hand has yet to revert to its notepad form).

You have to say goodbye to other people, but you're the one staying and they're the ones going.

Instant coffee actually seems pretty normal.

¿Por dónde vamos a ir?

"Where are we going to go?"

This is the question I am asked at the start of almost every walk we go on. My usual response is, "donde quieren" (wherever you want).

We pick a "theme" for the walk (of what we'll focus on taking pictures of), I point out things I think we should photograph, I give some hints about good composition, I rejoice with them over the beauty of the photos they've taken... and occasionally we have some "classroom time" to do more formal photo critiques.

Am I really teaching? Or am I just "facilitating?" Am I doing too little? I'm not really sure of the answers to these questions, but I do know that they are learning, that they are expressing themselves, and that it is freeing for them to walk and take pictures... So is that enough?

I've been learning a lot about myself through my time here. I've been learning that I don't want to be a teacher. Or a counselor. And I'm okay with that... but then how do I keep going? How do I stay motivated? I am feeling more than ever before the need to rely on the Lord's strength to get me through my days. And that is such a valuable lesson. I'm glad I'm here and I'm glad I'm doing what I'm doing, but I am impatient as well, to get onto things that I think I may be better equipped for, and that I may enjoy a bit more.

In other news, I made it to Cusco and back last week, and yesterday did a 12 hour hike up into the mountains that surround Cochabamba. Outdoors and friends are always a good respite from the cotidiano of life, though generally such things are few and far between, and who knows how many more chances I'll get like these ones.

Pray that the Lord's strength would continue to guide me through my days, and that I would find support and community in these next three months, wherever I may go.

culture, violence, creativity

This past week, I have said goodbye to a friend, translated a personal hygiene/gynecology workshop, eaten in a classy German-Bolivian home, worshiped at a wonderful church, visited an art exhibit, done some homework at my favorite coffee shop, and (of course) gone on many photo walks. There is a rhythm to things, but there is also constant change--new people, new circumstances, new expectations.

out on a photo walk [early July]

 





 

I've caught myself feeling pressure from who-knows-where quite frequently over the past few weeks. In part I think it is because of my large and looming independent study project (ISP) which, while I am very excited about it, seems a little daunting at this point. I'm doing an ethnographic study of the intersection of culture, violence, and creativity, which will involve teaching and talking to the girls at Albergue about their art, going to art exhibits/arts-related events, and interviewing artists, cultural directors, and art teachers. I am slowly figuring out how to break into the "art world" and am beginning to process how it is that my students perceive beauty and exercise creative agency, but I am still left a little overwhelmed and confused about the whole thing right now.

At the same time, as I put all this pressure on myself I am reminded that I by no means am doing this by my own power. Walking with God means acknowledging His power that works through me. It means allowing His peace to be bigger than my problems. It means I am dependent. Yet again, I am re-learning this very simple yet so very challenging lesson.

The covenant that the other interns and I wrote reminds me of this beautiful dependency each day:

Lord, like Peter, we are a people who,

Seeing You before us, step out into the waves.

Acknowledging our fearfulness, we trust that You meet us.

With Your strong and steady hand,

You hold us in the storm.

And when we sink from the weight of fear and doubt

We reach for You, knowing that You save us.

Upheld by your strength, we commit to

Listen to the unheard voices and know them by name,

Love our neighbor out of the love that You have shown us,

Anchor ourselves in hope in the midst of injustice,

Pray for the people with whom we walk,

And give thanks in all circumstances.

Lord, weave us into your story.

Help us;

hold us.

La Marcha

Last Friday, Mosoj Yan participated in "La Marcha contra El Abuso Sexual" (March against Sexual Abuse), along with dozens of other organizations in Cochabamba. It was such a gift to see all these organizations coming together to raise awareness, and to march alongside the girls in their protest.

persistencia

Coroico with Dr. Folch

Last week was both a highlight and in some ways a turning point of my time here in Bolivia, thanks to a visit from one of my favorite Wheaton profs. It was a refreshing, conversation- and adventure-filled time, and has given me a new outlook on many things. In particular in our conversations, I was able to re-think my photography project, what works, what doesn't, and what can be improved--I was finding that classroom lecture/discussion wasn't working, but that "photo walks" were. Almost every day, I go out walking with 2 or 3 of the girls at Albergue to let them take photos of whatever they like, and each walk is filled with moments of pride and excitement as the girls take photos of dogs, flowers, graffiti, trash, etc. and then get to show them off. I hadn't really thought much of these walks because they weren't fitting into the structure of my class curriculum, but now I am seeing more how I can use these walks as my main teaching tool--and how they have already been doing so much good.

For one thing, these walks mean I am not forcing creativity in the classroom, and for another, it means I can teach good composition experientially through the photos that they themselves are taking. After each walk, I sit down with the girls and go through their photos with them on my laptop, and we discuss which photos they like or find interesting or strange, and then I pick out my favorites as well and say what I like about them. I've already sensed a lot more learning going on in the past week than in the whole first month. Praise the Lord for answered prayers! Also, considering that one of my learning objectives at the start was for them to be empowered through this project, I would say the freedom that they have in these photo walks, which they don't have much of anywhere else, is indeed a significant thing. I am so grateful that I am now seeing this more for what it is.

Some other things that have been on my mind lately:

This quote

“Those who love their dream of Christian community more than the Christian community itself become destroyers of that Christian community even though their personal intentions may be ever so honest, earnest, and sacrificial.”

-Bonheoffer, Life Together

This painting (Persistencia, Fernando Montes)

This hymn

“O Love that wilt not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in thee;
I give thee back the life I owe,
That in thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.
...
O Joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain,
That morn shall tearless be.”

-George Matheson

El Chapare

Here's a few photos from Albergue's mini-vacation a couple weeks ago to El Chapare. Jungle-hiking, monkeys, swimming, waterfalls, picture-taking, and lots of yummy Bolivian food and beautiful mountain views along the way.

Apologies that I haven't posted lately. Things have gotten very busy--and also a lot more challenging. I am still struggling to figure out what my role is at Albergue, I am frustrated that relationships haven't developed more at this point, and I am unsure how to teach photography to unwilling students.

Here's a snippet from my most recent assessment letter regarding the photography project:

My thoughts in regards to this feel kind of ethnocentric and I am still sorting through them, so bear with me. In various conversations lately, I've been learning that in the Bolivian school system—and to some extent in Bolivian culture in general—creativity and critical thinking are painfully absent. Everything is rote memorization and regurgitation of information. It is no wonder, therefore, that I get blank stares when I am explaining an open-ended portraiture assignment. It grieves me that creativity could be so absent from an entire culture, while it also makes me want to teach it well all the more. The question still remains as to how I should go about doing that, because to force creativity is essentially oxymoronic.

Please pray for inspiration in teaching; for God to work through and strengthen relationships with the girls; and for grace and rest amidst the busyness and ambiguity of this season. 

"We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed." -2 Corinthians 4:8-9

Cuesta Punta

Here are a few photos from our trip this past weekend to Cuesta Punta, where there is nothing but mountains, farmland, and tiny adobe homes. It was wonderful to get to see a new place, and to hike some more of the Andes.

Off with the girls from Albergue tomorrow to adventure around El Chapare! Pray for safety, for fun,  for bonding, and for growth & learning in the photography-related activities on the trip.

Blessings.

escalando sacando fotos

This past week at Albergue has been so full of physical activity that I haven't gone a day without feeling sore or bruised. Honestly though, it's been a blast. Soccer, swimming, and yesterday a four hour excursion in which we hiked up the cacti-covered, rocky backside of the mountain on top of which sits the iconic Cristo statue [pictures above]--what gifts these are.

Also this week, I officially started teaching my photography classes! In one sense, it's been a success because all the girls are eager to take photos. It was so great to see them so excited about using the cameras on our hike yesterday. But in another, I am frustrated/anxious because they are neither super engaged in the classroom setting nor very eager to do the "homework" assignments which I give them... How can photography be a means of empowerment and healing, as I am hoping and planning for it to be, if I cannot get the girls to delve into the material? However I am trusting that, with patience and prayer, it will all come together in its own way. Though most likely not in the way that I expected.

This next week is full of travel (!) which I am very much looking forward to. More updates on that when I am back.

keep walking, though there's no place to go

"Keep walking, though there’s no place to get to.
Don’t try to see through the distances." -Rumi

In the past couple weeks, it has been tempting to look at the rest of my time here and be filled with questions and doubts about the purpose of it all. However, it has proved to be a lesson in trust--trust that God knows what He's doing, and that all I have to do is keep walking. All these moments of doubt and fear I think have been God's way of revealing to me His faithfulness. Not one of my weak prayers has been left unanswered and His strength fills me with hope. 

At Casa Albergue

At Casa Albergue, I am finally settling into a routine and learning the rhythm of the place. My "role" in many ways is just being a friend to the 16 girls who live there. It is challenging and awkward and joyful all at once. There is a lot of room for creativity there, and a lot of time in each day which gives me the opportunity to head up any number of workshops and activities--photography being one of them, of course, but that only takes so much time out of the week (and I still haven't started). I am coming to believe more and more strongly in the important role that the arts can play in bringing about healing, and I feel so privileged to be a part of that here at Albergue.

First big snowfall up in the mountains last week!

Pray for a deepening of friendships here, particularly with the girls at Albergue, and for inspiration and creativity to abound over the next several months.

Blessings.

a slow start

A week has passed and I am still alive & well here in Coch. I am constantly in surprise at the Lord's timing and the way that He is supporting me even when I am not seeking Him out.

The past week has in many ways been slow, which I think overall is a good thing.  It has allowed me time to breath as I adjust to my new home, but has also left me a little impatient. The pace is different here, and I knew it would be--however, this unfortunately does not just mean that lunch often comes at 3 in the afternoon instead of 12:30, but also means that it is taking a little longer than I expected for things to "get started" with my internship at Mosoj Yan.

the view from the back of the house

In the past week, I spent two days working on Mosoj Yan's website, which is currently under construction; one day with the other volunteers (who are from France and Germany) selling food on the streets in Quillacollo to raise funds for MY; two days taking "cultural orientation" classes at a language school nearby; and three days with my host family eating lots of food in each others' homes. All good things, to be sure, though not what I expected (but fear not, HNGR office! I am learning to hold my expectations loosely).

I am excited to finally be going to Casa Albergue tomorrow, and el Centro de Motivacion on Wednesday. And I am learning to be grateful for the time I had to move slower, as I am beginning to see the fruit of it. I am sure I will be wishing for it as soon as things get busier.

Pray that I would learn patience, that I would become more aware of the ways that God is at work in this time, and that it would become clear how I should go forward in the visa process (options are to "overstay" my current visa for three months and pay a fine, or apply for temporary residency). Praise that God has brought me safe thus far and that I am well!

dusk at the house

I'll leave you all here with the last bit from Hild's prayer (614-680):

"If I am weak, I ask that you send only what I can bear.
If I am strong, may I shrink from no testing
that shall yield increase of strength or win security for my spirit.

I trust in Thee, O Lord. I say, 'Though art my God.
My times are in Thy hand, my times are in Thy hand.'"

some first impressions

The Andes Mountains are always visible when you look to the north; good thing when you have a poor sense of direction.

It will be some time yet before I can say I have successfully taken public transportation on my own here.

The ground is cold and I am wishing I had brought some slippers (I think slippers is my new favorite word in Spanish - pantuflas).

The sun is hotter than any I have ever felt before.

Even with car horns honking and trucks rumbling by, the city feels peaceful.

I feel surprisingly normal here, whatever that means. It hasn't been a shock to my system, it has not been jarring, and while I make many mistakes, even speaking in Spanish does not feel all that strange.

Gracias a Dios, I arrived safely and am now with a warm and welcoming family. This week will be full of visiting, meeting, adjusting, and familiarizing. Prayers for a smooth visa application process (part II) and for an open mind to all the newness of this week are appreciated. I'll share more later, when more has happened.

looking ahead

“We have to be braver than we think we can be, because God is constantly calling us to be more than we are.” 

-Madeleine L'Engle

things I am excited for:
-being outside of this American middle class suburban bubble.
-bringing together art & activism, two parts of myself which are not yet acquainted.
-learning from the staff at Mosoj Yan about caring for at-risk young women.
-applying this abundance of classroom knowledge about development, culture, and healing/counseling ministry to some real life experience.
-befriending and journeying with the young women at Mosoj Yan, as well as the staff and the host family I will be living with.
-walking alongside the 25 other HNGR interns in our separate journeys over the next six months (and coming back and getting to hear each others' stories at the end!).

things to pray for:
-For safe travels and an open mind to new and challenging experiences as I transition to life in Bolivia.
-For this photography idea, that it would be a source of healing & expression for the young women at Mosoj Yan (and that I would somehow manage to articulately teach in Spanish. Yikes!).
-For God to continue teaching me about grace and how to give it.

I have already experienced such immense support from the communities I am part of here in the States, and for that I am grateful. Truly, it is such an encouragement.

p.s. you can find the other HNGR interns' blogs at www.hngr2013.com